I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
they're like a gay fantastic four
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
