This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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