i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
