I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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