we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
