Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
