...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
