remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just threw up on my dentist
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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