i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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