She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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