This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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