I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
