you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
