Where is the hickey?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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