i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
