Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
