If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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