somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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