apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
