after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
