you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
