Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
