1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
