he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
