I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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