Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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