mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
