Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
