So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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