I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
