Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
