in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
