Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
