so that wasnt chicken after all
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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