there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
