do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
