Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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