she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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