True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
tonight lets celebrate not being married
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
