you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
