I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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