I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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