hell yes lets make some ravioli
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
