I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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