Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
