Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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