He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
