I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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