There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
