We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
