OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
sex in a hospital.. check
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
