You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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