Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
