I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
