Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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